Oohhh\u2026 two blogs within a month! I\u2019ve got a hundred things going on at once, but I had to stop everything to write this blog. Well, I couldn\u2019t stop caring for Afiyah, so I am writing this while ensuring she’s safe, happy and loved. I guess words are flowing, and I\u2019m going with it. Sometimes, the blast from the past is so significant that I have to turn that pain into passion. And today, it\u2019s in the form of words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This blog is different from others. It\u2019s based on the realisation that sometimes we need to break everything down to its core to start all over again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Afiyah broke me completely, and you know what? I am grateful to her. She unlocked a part of me that I didn\u2019t know existed. Those who know me will know how flexible and fuss-free I am in my everyday life. I love going with the flow, adapting, changing, learning and growing every day. But then, Afiyah took things to another level. Being extremely flexible in my approach wasn\u2019t flexible enough. She made me surrender completely to the circumstances, and I can\u2019t thank her enough. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
By surrendering completely, I was able to look at things from a different perspective. My mindset started changing, my knowledge increased, and my skills grew. To my surprise, I was able to deal better with Afiyah\u2019s challenging behaviours, and that helped to restore our bond. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Afiyah started to trust me more, and her behaviour started improving. Most of us don\u2019t realise that when we deal with challenging behaviour, our bond with our loved ones gets lost in the process. It\u2019s so important to concentrate on restoring that bond, and sadly, it\u2019s not something that\u2019s talked about. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The only way to restore my bond with Afiyah was to surrender to gain her trust again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You see, Afiyah only learns through actions. She doesn\u2019t have the comprehension to understand my words. I could tell her, \u201cAfiyah, trust me, this is the best for you because I love you\u201d. This would never make sense to her. Whereas, if she feels she is being understood, then she is more likely to start trusting others again. After all, actions speak louder than words. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I say surrender, I mean giving into Afiyah\u2019s demands completely. Now, this is more complex than it sounds. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Normally, I wouldn\u2019t advocate giving in to your autistic child\u2019s demands completely, as that\u2019s not healthy for you or the autistic person. But in my scenario, a few years ago, Afiyah and I were stuck in a vicious cycle of a battle of wills. I wanted Afiyah to continue her usual activities, but she wasn\u2019t interested in them anymore. In my defence, I didn\u2019t realise Afiyah was changing from within, and she didn\u2019t want to access what she was able to before. In Afiyah\u2019s defence, she was going through puberty, but the signs weren\u2019t visible enough for me to understand the internal changes she was going through. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, in this process, the two of us were left in a vicious negative cycle because I couldn\u2019t comprehend why she was suddenly so defiant. Sadly, this led to Afiyah losing trust in me. The one person she trusted the most, who was supposed to know her inside and out, didn\u2019t understand her anymore. Even writing this breaks my heart, but that\u2019s how I see things now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So we reached a point when Afiyah\u2019s behaviours got extremely challenging, and one night after Afiyah slept, it suddenly dawned on me\u2026 I thought to myself, \u201cWhat am I doing?\u201d. But then I had this conflict within me of everything I had learnt over the years and tried the tested strategies that worked with Afiyah and other autistic people. Saying that I was determined to gain Afiyah\u2019s trust back and was willing to relearn everything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, at that moment, I decided to erase everything I had learnt, everything I knew that worked with Afiyah in the past, and start all over again. It was a clean slate this time. At that moment, Afiyah had broken me down completely, and she helped me rebuild our relationship again. One small example is when I gave in to Afiyah\u2019s demands of drives at 3 a.m. because I was determined to gain her trust again. And hand on my heart, it worked. There are several examples, but too many to write, but you get the gist. There\u2019s an article in MEN about this; click here<\/u><\/a> to check it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n If it weren\u2019t for Afiyah and this experience, I wouldn\u2019t be the person I am today. I wouldn\u2019t have succeeded in my career the way I have, written a book, and helped thousands globally. Most importantly, I wouldn\u2019t have looked at everything from a completely different perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What Afiyah has unlocked within me was not possible any other way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What I am talking about here are extreme circumstances. When I say extreme, I want you to imagine extreme. I hope no one has to go through this with their children. But now you know that if you ever face such challenges, you must start changing your mindset first. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Always remember, it doesn\u2019t matter what challenges come your way; there\u2019s always light at the end of the tunnel, and my friends, that light is you \ud83d\ude4c\ud83c\udffb<\/p>\n\n\n\n So now, when I work with my disabled pupils, my primary aim is to form a bond of trust with them. Once I\u2019ve established that, everything will follow. They are willing to learn from me, they are happy within themselves around me, and most importantly, they trust me. What more can I ask for? <\/p>\n\n\n\n So believe in yourself. You can do this, and if you need support, get in touch. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Thanks for reading my blogs, for all your lovely messages of support, and for sharing your personal journey; it means a lot! <\/p>\n\n\n\n Until next time, beautiful people. Stay safe and blessed \u2665\ufe0f<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Oohhh\u2026 two blogs within a month! I\u2019ve got a hundred things going on at once, but I had to stop everything to write this blog. Well, I couldn\u2019t stop caring for Afiyah, so I am writing this while ensuring she’s safe, happy and loved. I guess words are flowing, and I\u2019m going with it. Sometimes, the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":676,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-696","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-autism-awareness-articles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/696","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=696"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/696\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":724,"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/696\/revisions\/724"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/676"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=696"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=696"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nhancedigital.com\/design\/autismfoundation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=696"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}